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July 10, 2010

2010 Tour de Donut, Utah

I am not a person who visualizes himself ever riding a stage of the Tour de France, not even on one of the tour groups that rides along the route. But this week I learned of a Tour event that seems to be designed for me.

From comes news of the Utah Tour de Donut next week on July 17.

The Tour de Donut is a race that makes three loops around a seven mile course. Riders compete based on total time. But here's the trick: before each circuit, riders can eat as many donuts as they'd like. There's a bonus: for each donut consumed, three minutes is taken off the rider's total time.

As you can imagine, all the competitive nuances that apply to the Tour De France translate into the Tour de Donut. The preferred technique is to double-up on donuts, earning a six-minute bonus in the same amount of time. Junior riders known as domestiques can be tasked with ferrying donuts to more elite riders.

The gentlemen shown on the right, Regan Fackrell, has won the Tour De Donut in each of the last two years, consuming enough donuts to finish with negative total times. In 2009 he ate 28 donuts to ensure his place as King Donut. Highlighting the unfortunate b-scaling of female competitors, the 2009 Queen Donut ate 12 donuts.

I won't be in Utah next week and so I'll have to miss the event, but I believe that I've found my true athletic calling, one that I've been preparing for my whole life without even knowing it - or did I?


C. Briem said...

Sort of like the biathlon.

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